God shaped hole. Square peg.

I have a slightly broken heart. I stumbled unexpectedly upon a need I had forgotten all about. For a long time I was so blissfully buried in the adventures of the old testament I lost track of my need for human touch. One day about a month ago a thought was whispered into my ear. At the time it seemed fairly innocent (a very naive assumption on my part) but the Bible clearly warns about it in Ephesians Chapter 5. I knew better but the liar is so tricky. It was such a tiny, seemingly harmless idea...I resisted for a few minutes...then I gave in. The result, roughly a month later is pain. A terrible ache in my heart because now I have to put distance between myself and someone I dearly love - to protect both of our hearts from further injury. Why such injury? Why does it hurt so deeply? The answer is simple, I tried to fill a God shaped hole with a square peg. (I must add, the square peg in question is one of the most wonderful people I've ever known)

We all have needs, various important things we feel we must have. Love, friends, security, wisdom, a home, food, money, dreams...the list goes on and on. We all will always have needs and we have them on purpose. If we didn't need anything would we need God? God loves us so much. He wants our attention and our trust. We have needs SO that they can be met. The trouble and so often the pain comes from us trying to fill our needs with out God. Square pegs in God shaped holes. GOD is truly our only need because He is the only thing that can satisfy all of our longings. We were made to be His children, to love Him - be loved by Him, to glorify Him, to seek and trust Him. We were made to need Him.

God will not disappoint. He knows our needs because He gave them to us. He understands them when we do not. I don't know why I need hugs so badly. I am happy, I'm single but I'm not lonely. When I'm not working the job I love (that He gave me which provides for all my material needs) I am nearly always surrounded by precious spirit filled friends who I know love me. They hug me all the time but I still need to be hugged ... in a different way. My feeling is that I need to be hugged by a big strong man who feels like he needs to be hugged by me. That feeling is the problem, it's not the truth. It's not what I really need. The liar convinced me that it's a need so that I would get distracted and lost trying to find the man who could fill it. The Bible says in Isaiah 54:5 "Your creator will be your HUSBAND, the Lord Almighty is His name!" Yes, I know the Bible also says that women were created to be a helpmate to man. So this longing I have for the strength of a man is part of Gods plan. One day God will deliver me to the man I am meant to love but until then "HE"is my husband, my resting place, my shelter, my friend, my comfort, my advocate, my counselor, and my strength. As an added bonus He is also my Joy, my peace, my hope, and my ever lasting light. I am grateful that tonight He is my healer, restorer, and redeemer. I believe the blood of Jesus will blot out the sin that is causing me great heartache. My Father will fill the "square peg" shaped hole with His love and peace. There is not a need in the world that cannot be met by the Living God who created the world and all it contains.

We can try our whole lives to find happiness and fulfillment in the world and we can be miserable every day. OR we can look expectantly to the lover of our souls and tell our aching hearts "my soul wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him." (psalm 62:5) Only then will all of our needs be met. Only when we fully rely on God alone can our hearts be truly satisfied.

Be blessed my friends, I love you.
WP Jen

Ramblings about my treasures...

Wow, I'm all done with vacation. I went on the adventure trip and had an amazing time with some of the most wonderfull people that have ever lived. I must say in the past few months my heart has become quite swollen and very spoiled. I love you all so so much and am so intensely gratefull for you and the awesome roles your playing in my life. Some of you have completely redefined friendship for me. It's like a whole new level of "friend" that I never knew existed. And if someone told me a year ago that friendships like this were out there I never would have beleived I desearved one. Until now. Because you allow me to love you back, so much. And it constantly amazes me that I don't just have one amazing friend but I have ...5. I know I've said this a million times but when I was growing up I never had friends and every now and then I'd get one for a little while and they would just break my heart as fast as they could. A few of them even beat me up! So really, I am just so in love with all of you. So gratefull to God for blessing me almost rediculously. You are my family. I went to L.V. with mom and Sacremeto to see grandma for 8 long days! I missed you all so much. Drove mom crazy talking about ya. I am so glad you all met for dinner while I was away. Being able to talk to you all together, knowing that all the people I loved the most were all in one spot and all talking to me ....and you know that was a hard day because of the condition grandma was in...you all melted my heart that day...just by being you and being together. I know most of you will never read this cause you just don't get online as much as some of us do. so really, I write this for anyone who may be reading random blogs feeling lonely. People can be so wonderfull. Even if there is no one in your life now I beleive that if you look at Jesus and love Him, He will send you His people and they will love you through their love for Him. I am simply overwhelmed by my friends. It's almost like God is giving me the love of all the friends I missed out on while I was ignoring Him through the love of these five amazing brothers and sisters. To my five...you are my greatest treasures. I'm not going on any more vacations unless you all come with me, otherwise it's just not a vacation. To anyone who read this hoping to read an interesting maybe encuraging blog where things are spelled correctly ... please try back another day. My head and heart are full of things I'm aching to share but for now I just want you to know I love you. Even those of you who are not my five...I love you. I think there are something like 200 elementers out there now...and I love you all. God loves you and desires so MUCH to show you, I happen to think if we let Him, He will show us His love through His people! YAY for Jesus lovin friends!!! Be Blessed my friends, I really do love you a lot, Warrior Princess Jen

Someone asked me for advice on how to quit smoking...

The first thing you do is STOP SMOKING. Put out the one thats lit and stop saying "I'll quit after this pack" I said that all the time for years. I had such a hard time throwing away smokes...and dont' give em away either...that's sharing bad stuff. Never good. You have to decide for yourself that you want and deserve a better life. Hmm can not smoking really lead to a BETTER life....or does it just lead to a lack of smoke? I 'm not talking about a longer life, although that is a nice side effect but I belive life will become BETTER...even if you already think it's great. Smokes are the FIRST thing I gave up. Call me sometime, I would love to tell you everything that came after that!! --the things that I wansn't able to mark on the calendar! Anyway, I would love to say "I relied on my faith and God did all the work" But truthfully at the time my faith was pretty limp. I DONT recommend this but I substituted ice cream for smoke for the first week. Then I had three day's at home with cigars and alcohol. I smoked a lot of cigars, drank a lot of beer and avoided sitting in front of the TV doing nothing. I sat in my bedroom and did nothing instead-it was kinda weird. I DON'T RECOMMEND THAT EITHER...but thats what happened and I'm not gonna lie about it. THEN I spent the next five glorious smoke free days on the REVO adventure trip. Everyone knew I just quit cause when someone lit up a mile away I sounded the "I SMELL A MARLBORO" alarm. I had quite a gift for detecting the aroma. The smokers on the trip tried to keep it away from me and the non smokers were an INCREDIBLE, AMAZING ,LIFE CHANGING source of support. Then when I was smoke free for exactly a month, they (one lovely saint in particular) celebrated with me. Melted my heart, that she remembered...that was a huge encouragement and new source of motivation...I didn't want to let her down. Perhaps though some of the things I did to quit cigars and alcohol might be more helpfull. Because I beleive when I chose to quit smoking for the last time....it opened the door for my faith to begin growing. I am positive that with out the prayers and support of my brand new friends - at that point with my limp faith I would have failed fast. Step one : STOP SMOKING for yourself...not for the people who bug you about it...not even for your son. It has to be for YOU. Because you want a better life for YOU and beleive you deserve one. Step two: Avoid your usual smoking spots. TV smoker? Read a book. Car smoker? Roll up the windows! invite people who don't smoke to ride with you. Make friends with someone who has bad asthma! Smoke when you drink? AHA avoid alcohol! oooh two birds..one stone...don't know if you drink but not drinking was a HUGE part of me not smoking!! It's sooooo easy to rationalize one smoke after a month and two beers! STEP three (should actually be step one) : Ask God to help you AND THEN IMMEDIATLY thank Him for giving you the power to quit! He already gave you the power, if you have invited Jesus into your heart....you invited in all His power and authority over sin. It's sort of a package deal...you get Jesus - You get it ALL, you don't have to wait to become strong...you already are because HE is your strength! The Bible tells us to let ALL our requests be made known to God, with petition and THANKSGIVING. (phil 4:6-7) And to beleive we've already received what we've asked for. Thats why we go ahead and thank Him. He has already given us what we need. It is up to us to accept it. STEP four is REALLY POWERFULL: everytime you see a ciggarette, smell a ciggarette, think about ciggarette in any way for any length of time say out loud "I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me. I will not smoke. I do not want it. I am a non smoker". If you can't say it out loud cause your afraid of drawing attention or looking like a loon whisper it. write it down. at the VERY LEAST say it in your head.I beleive it is the devil and his lies that make addictions stick. It is only an addiction. If God meant for you to be a smoker he would have made you a chimney or at the very least a bush (get it, moses, burning bush--ha ha). But no, He made you a beautfull woman, A reflection of Himself, a TEMPLE for HIM to dwell in, HIS masterpeice NOT a chimney. So quote scripture at your addiction, the devil has to flee if Christ is in you. Even if your not yet saved there is still POWER in Gods word. It is still a SWORD and the devil and his lies crumble beneath it! BUT the devil can 't hear your thoughts so speaking the truth is important. I originally quit smoking cause I was tired of spending so much of my money on something that was hurting me. I got mad at Ciggarettes. They stole from me...at the time I had no idea just how much. As I quit my addictions I closed doors on SATAN. Now I know for sure(because the Bible tells me so) that he is prowling around me like a lion waiting to devour me because he fears me. He fears me because I found out who I am.I am the precious daughter of a mighty KING. A king who already defeated him once. I am a WARRIOR PRINCESS possesing the same power and authority that cast him out of heaven in the first place (because Jesus has the power and HE lives in me). I am not alone or unARMED. I am poised for battle, sheild up (faith) , sword drawn (BIBLE). My God can not be defeated. I will follow HIM. That is who YOU are too. The enemy doesn't want you to know it...he'll hide your truth in a cloud of smoke. Blow it away. Step One. KNOW God has already empowered you. Step two. Stop Smoking. Be blessed my friends, I love you. Warrior Princess Jen

Must be important...

So I read the final Harry Potter book in less than a week. It was 759 pages long. I started reading the Bible 3 months and 20 days ago. I have read only 469 pages. I just finished 2ND Kings, I am very excited about Chronicles!!! I think the amount of time it takes to read the Bible just goes to show how important it is that we do in fact read it. Although Harry Potter was an awesome book that I thoroughly enjoyed, it was in no way important --so it was not opposed. In fact, it distracted me from things that were important. The devil loves to distract us. I have found that when I allow distractions of any sort to keep me from reading the Bible every day I open myself up for his lies. I'm thinking that is the point. God speaks to us through the Bible, through His written, unchanging truth. As we read it and store His truth in our hearts we become stronger in HIM. The devil certainly doesn't want that. What keeps you from reading the Bible every single day? Is it hard to understand?--it's supposed to be--we are supposed to read it anyway. God will explain in the time and to the degree that we are meant to understand. What could possibly be more important than learning the truth that God specifically wrote for you? A TV show? I have never seen a show (not even " Lost " ) more exciting than the old testament! I challenge you, pick up your Bible and read it every day. Read it with expectation! You wont be disappointed. Be blessed my friends, I love you, Warrior Princes Jen

Ahh, sweet conformation...

So if you have ever asked me how my job is going I have probably told you how blessed and grateful I am to be employed at all. I have probably told you about the day when my boss (an out of work pediatric oncologist) sadly told me that she believed very soon she would have to give me notice. She just couldn't afford to keep a nanny that she didn't need. This was about two months after she hired me, and two months ago. That day, I looked her in the eye and told her not to fear, that I knew she was going to get a job. I knew that she was going to keep me because I knew that God put me in her house, in this exact job at this exact time for a very important reason. That reason being my church, my journey, and my adventure from Genesis to Revelation (I'm on 1st Kings). She was like uh, ok thanks. She smiled, stayed unemployed and never mentioned firing me again. Since then I have thanked God (nearly) every day at least once for keeping me joyfully employed. Every day I work has been conformation that I am doing what God wants me to be doing. It has been so much fun!! Then last week one or two of Satan's nasty lies crept into my head and left big ugly footprints in my joy. I believe it happened because I let my expectations block my view of Gods instructions. I forgot for a moment (just long enough) that I should be depending on God and not on people. Yes, I certainly need people BUT I do not need people to validate or complete me, God has that under control. Nevertheless, I spent a few terrible days lost in sorrow, lie-arrows flying everywhere. I asked God for a sign that I really was on the right track. The first thing I got (heard in my head) was "the devil attacks that which he fears" then I got "hello, don't you read your own blog? you know what to do" and THEN seemingly out of nowhere, like it -UM dropped from the sky-MY BOSS GETS A JOB, she had given up, this job came after her! That was the one that really did it. That is God telling me that I was right all along--I was right when I was focused, listening to Him, searching for and finding Him in everything. I was right that this job is part of His plan and I do have it so I can focus all my energy on my pursuit of HIM. I was right, the lie arrows were wrong. It was Him telling me that I am who He says I am no matter how I feel. That I CAN do what He asked me to do because His word-the Truth says I can. That's it, He says I can. That means I can. And so I will-joyfully. I am excited again. P.S. Those footprints in my joy, God went and filled them with peace. I am so grateful!!! Be blessed my friends, I love you, Warrior Princess Jen

OUCH! I must be doing something right.....

Suddenly my mind is plagued with crap. I don't know if it's because I poked the devil with my blog or if it's because I stood up publicly today as a leader for Christ. It could also be just be my turn. Truthfully, I think it's all of the above but regardless of why, I have the liars attention. Oh, I still have peace but today there has been an ugly- lie- ball bouncing around in my head casting a shadow on my joy. I see it, I know what it is. I have my shield held high and my sword sharpened. I know I can, AND WILL have victory in Jesus, but today the attack has been painful. I need a spirit band aid. The devil is not stupid, he is so clever and sneaky. He knows just where to strike to do the most damage. This may sound a little nuts but even though it hurts, I am a little excited by it. The Holy Spirit has plenty of band-aids so I'll be okay. I figure if I am not doing what God wants me to do then the enemy has no reason to notice me. He feels threatened. It's conformation, I'm on the right track!!! I KNOW He who is IN me is greater than he who is in the world, so I have nothing to fear. I also know that no matter how I feel, I am good because my creator is good. I am who He says I am. I am NOT how I feel. Be blessed my friends, I love you. Warrior Princess Jen

The most important thing I've learned since learning how to read...

Simply put, biblical truth is not dependent on my feelings I spent many years thinking that God was purposely avoiding me. I thought it was because I didn't want HIM bad enough, or perhaps for the right reason. I needed Him. I remember thinking years ago "I want to be wanted, needed is good but wanted is better". I thought perhaps God was avoiding me because I was trying to want Him because I needed Him so much. I figured it was hopeless, I'd never get it right. Hopeless or not though I kept trying because I really, really needed Him. Every time I couldn't feel Him I felt farther and farther away and even more alone. After eight years of wandering aimlessly He has brought me out of the wilderness. PRAISE THE LORD! Now, I'm working on it but I have not read the whole Bible yet. Can anyone tell me, all those guys and camels that wandered through the wilderness, were they alone? Didn't they enjoy God's company through the sand storms? Going out on a limb I'm gonna say yes, God went with everyone He ever sent out. He never said I'll see ya on the other side, good luck my child. Apparently He didn't say that to me either. He was right there with me the whole time. Every time I cried feeling desperate and alone He was right there with me.....protecting me, sometimes from myself. BUT I didn't know it , if you told me I never, ever would have believed you. In the course of 8 years I felt many things but I did not feel God. I felt alone, terribly depressed most of the time, worthless, unloved, ignored, hopeless. I went to church and felt dirty and guilty so I stopped going. None of the things I felt reflect God. Turns out they were all lies planted in my mind so well I was convinced that I came up with them on my own. That is the "atomic bomb" of spiritual warfare. The devil, the father of lies tricked me into believing that I was the problem. I was not the problem, I was the P.O.W. and the truth really did set me free! It is imperative that we all realize that we are at war. We are constantly under attack, anything and anyone can be used as a weapon at anytime. So what do we do? How do we know what is true and what isn't? I found the answer in 2ND Corinthians, starting in chapter 10 verse 3. It reads..."For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments in every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, BRINGING EVERY THOUGHT TO CAPTIVITY INTO THE OBEDIENCE OF CHRIST. and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled". It is a constant attack so it must be a constant effort. So when I have a negative thought (which I still get every single day, lots and lots of them, all shapes and sizes) I say out loud, (because the devil can't read my mind) though sometimes it has to be a whisper "that is not true, it's a lie get away from me you ugly devil". Then I use his icky lie to make myself smile. I picture a tiny red devil shooting a fiery dart at me and just in the nick of time a tiny prison - bar - like box closes around the dart (which is the lie) and the devil looks at his empty dart bag and disappears defeated. I laugh and thank God for the power of His truth. The Bible calls faith a shield and His word a sword. I believe it means that literally. We must have faith in the Bible. Believe that what it says is true even if it doesn't line up with your feelings. It's your feelings that are questionable, FOR THEY MAY NOT BE YOUR OWN. Here is some truth you can trust: Hebrews 13:5 God said "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you" If you have accepted Christ as your saviour and King you are never alone. If you feel alone that feeling is a lie. Take that lie captive into the obedience of Christ. Take away the enemy's weapons. Defeat him in Jesus name. Say that verse out loud. Say "God says He will never leave me. I am not alone" say "By the power of JESUS (who already defeated the devil) I command you devil take your lonely lie and leave!" That is using God's word as a sword. The devil will flee. Here is some more, Mark 9:23 Jesus said " If you can, believe. Everything is possible for him who believes". Next time you feel inadequate and worry that you are not good, strong,smart, whatever enough quote Paul - out loud so the enemy can hear your faith, say "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13). "I'm not blank enough" is a lie. You can see it's a lie because Jesus says all things are possible. It's a fiery dart, use your faith in Gods word as a shield. Block the lie, watch the devil flee, and then laugh at him in Jesus name! It's okay to enjoy the authority we have in Jesus over the devil. When we use it I assure you My Jesus smiles. Here is a really important one... Ephesians 2:8 says " For it is by grace (unmerited Divine assistance) that you have been saved, through FAITH and this is not from yourselves. It is the gift of God". It is your BELIEF in God's word that saves you. You must understand that faith is not something that can "happen" to you. Faith is very simply a choice. No matter how much you pray God will not "give it to you". Sure, He may give you obstacles to strengthen the faith you already have, but the choice to believe Him has to come from you. Use your free will and choose to believe Him. That is why the reward is so great, it is not always easy to believe with out FEELING. It took me 12 years as a Christian to understand this. I believe Jesus did not die just to save us from an eternity in hell. He also saved us from experiencing hell on earth. He saved us from the devils lies, from feelings that are not our own. He gave us weapons to defeat the attacker. Our job is to store Gods word in our hearts and use it, it is our arsenal. I have so much more to share with you but I doubt you want to spend an hour reading my blog. (but if you do please let me know : ) ) So please tune in next time where I will discuss (in 300 words or less-maybe) that wonderful peace which surpasses all understanding. I thank God at least once a day for peace. I can't wait to tell you all about it! Grab your shield and your sword, and watch out for darts. They are coming whether you choose to see them or not. Be blessed my friends! I love you. --Princess Jen

Chocolate Blessings

Yesterday I had lunch with Joe and God at Boston Market. We almost went to KFC but my gut said "ooohh Boston market". In the parking lot Joe got a VERY encouraging phone call. The church he attends in New Port Richey finally called him about an opportunity to join their Martial Arts program as one of the lead instructors. It's a ministry- no pay. So today Joe walked into a church and asked for a MINISTRY application. That in itself is amazing! I am so excited! He desperately needs something positive in his life and perhaps this is it! Yeah God, I can't wait!!! Thanks to everyone who prays for Joe. Lets keep it up! Please. On another note, I am grateful for a very personal blessing I received inside Boston Market. At the register there were brownies. Eye catching, delicious looking, Big, Dark Brownies! I had to have one, but for later. I didn't even want it at the time but I KNEW I just had to have one of those amazing looking brownies. So I bought one, took it home, and went to work. Where my boss asked me to BAKE BROWNIES!!! for teacher appreciation day. Not only did I have to break the news to three kids that they couldn't have one, but I BAKED them and SMELLED them and wanted a brownie OH SO BAD!!! Then suddenly when the aroma was at it's strongest God reminded me. My Dear Adoring God who sees and knows everything knew how I would desire a brownie tonight. So He sent me to Boston Market instead of KFC to make sure I got one. Because He loves me. Oh, I love Him back. Yeah God! My God is really cool!! Better than a box full of puppies. That brownie was perfect. My God is perfect. Be blessed my friends and eat brownies. I love you. --Princess Jen