God shaped hole. Square peg.

I have a slightly broken heart. I stumbled unexpectedly upon a need I had forgotten all about. For a long time I was so blissfully buried in the adventures of the old testament I lost track of my need for human touch. One day about a month ago a thought was whispered into my ear. At the time it seemed fairly innocent (a very naive assumption on my part) but the Bible clearly warns about it in Ephesians Chapter 5. I knew better but the liar is so tricky. It was such a tiny, seemingly harmless idea...I resisted for a few minutes...then I gave in. The result, roughly a month later is pain. A terrible ache in my heart because now I have to put distance between myself and someone I dearly love - to protect both of our hearts from further injury. Why such injury? Why does it hurt so deeply? The answer is simple, I tried to fill a God shaped hole with a square peg. (I must add, the square peg in question is one of the most wonderful people I've ever known)

We all have needs, various important things we feel we must have. Love, friends, security, wisdom, a home, food, money, dreams...the list goes on and on. We all will always have needs and we have them on purpose. If we didn't need anything would we need God? God loves us so much. He wants our attention and our trust. We have needs SO that they can be met. The trouble and so often the pain comes from us trying to fill our needs with out God. Square pegs in God shaped holes. GOD is truly our only need because He is the only thing that can satisfy all of our longings. We were made to be His children, to love Him - be loved by Him, to glorify Him, to seek and trust Him. We were made to need Him.

God will not disappoint. He knows our needs because He gave them to us. He understands them when we do not. I don't know why I need hugs so badly. I am happy, I'm single but I'm not lonely. When I'm not working the job I love (that He gave me which provides for all my material needs) I am nearly always surrounded by precious spirit filled friends who I know love me. They hug me all the time but I still need to be hugged ... in a different way. My feeling is that I need to be hugged by a big strong man who feels like he needs to be hugged by me. That feeling is the problem, it's not the truth. It's not what I really need. The liar convinced me that it's a need so that I would get distracted and lost trying to find the man who could fill it. The Bible says in Isaiah 54:5 "Your creator will be your HUSBAND, the Lord Almighty is His name!" Yes, I know the Bible also says that women were created to be a helpmate to man. So this longing I have for the strength of a man is part of Gods plan. One day God will deliver me to the man I am meant to love but until then "HE"is my husband, my resting place, my shelter, my friend, my comfort, my advocate, my counselor, and my strength. As an added bonus He is also my Joy, my peace, my hope, and my ever lasting light. I am grateful that tonight He is my healer, restorer, and redeemer. I believe the blood of Jesus will blot out the sin that is causing me great heartache. My Father will fill the "square peg" shaped hole with His love and peace. There is not a need in the world that cannot be met by the Living God who created the world and all it contains.

We can try our whole lives to find happiness and fulfillment in the world and we can be miserable every day. OR we can look expectantly to the lover of our souls and tell our aching hearts "my soul wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him." (psalm 62:5) Only then will all of our needs be met. Only when we fully rely on God alone can our hearts be truly satisfied.

Be blessed my friends, I love you.
WP Jen

Ramblings about my treasures...

Wow, I'm all done with vacation. I went on the adventure trip and had an amazing time with some of the most wonderfull people that have ever lived. I must say in the past few months my heart has become quite swollen and very spoiled. I love you all so so much and am so intensely gratefull for you and the awesome roles your playing in my life. Some of you have completely redefined friendship for me. It's like a whole new level of "friend" that I never knew existed. And if someone told me a year ago that friendships like this were out there I never would have beleived I desearved one. Until now. Because you allow me to love you back, so much. And it constantly amazes me that I don't just have one amazing friend but I have ...5. I know I've said this a million times but when I was growing up I never had friends and every now and then I'd get one for a little while and they would just break my heart as fast as they could. A few of them even beat me up! So really, I am just so in love with all of you. So gratefull to God for blessing me almost rediculously. You are my family. I went to L.V. with mom and Sacremeto to see grandma for 8 long days! I missed you all so much. Drove mom crazy talking about ya. I am so glad you all met for dinner while I was away. Being able to talk to you all together, knowing that all the people I loved the most were all in one spot and all talking to me ....and you know that was a hard day because of the condition grandma was in...you all melted my heart that day...just by being you and being together. I know most of you will never read this cause you just don't get online as much as some of us do. so really, I write this for anyone who may be reading random blogs feeling lonely. People can be so wonderfull. Even if there is no one in your life now I beleive that if you look at Jesus and love Him, He will send you His people and they will love you through their love for Him. I am simply overwhelmed by my friends. It's almost like God is giving me the love of all the friends I missed out on while I was ignoring Him through the love of these five amazing brothers and sisters. To my five...you are my greatest treasures. I'm not going on any more vacations unless you all come with me, otherwise it's just not a vacation. To anyone who read this hoping to read an interesting maybe encuraging blog where things are spelled correctly ... please try back another day. My head and heart are full of things I'm aching to share but for now I just want you to know I love you. Even those of you who are not my five...I love you. I think there are something like 200 elementers out there now...and I love you all. God loves you and desires so MUCH to show you, I happen to think if we let Him, He will show us His love through His people! YAY for Jesus lovin friends!!! Be Blessed my friends, I really do love you a lot, Warrior Princess Jen